Sneaky lawyer's trick...

So yeah, I was tricked into feeling bad by Scarlett after receiving a text that stated and I quote 

"Ur sis told me you found someone who isn't a lying cheating wannabee model whore.'"  And yeah, I'll admit it, I sincerely felt bad.  I wasn't mad my sister, which ever one it was, but I did feel bad... up until I heard the whole story.  I was talking to my sister today and asked her about it and she informed me that Scarlett had put a picture on her myspace of us two while we were together with a caption stating something along the lines of "Just fucking him until something better comes along."  My sister (the nice one) saw this and was outraged by the mere immaturity and audacity Scarlett had to post this so she told my other sister (the mean one) to comment Scarlett something of equal sneer.  "My brother found someone who isn't a lying cheating wannabee model whore" came out of her fingers onto the screen.  Now to be fair, this statement isn't completely true... My sister Danielle didn't know the whole story at the time... If I could revise her statement I would put "My brother was just broken up with by someone over a dropped call who isn't a lying cheating wannabee model whore."

**If you have no idea what I'm talking about see previous post.

Dropped call or break-up?

HA! It was a trick question.... it was BOTH!

I'm beginning to lose my faith in Seinfeld and by that I mean I've relied on and aspired to educate myself on all the awkward dating dilemmas and nuanced circumstances ever fathomed, and more importantly, the explanations behind the perpetually wacky world of dating.  Not this time Seinfeld! You had me believing that you were the bible of love (without all the fictitious     characters).  I understand that technology has had it's role on society and ultimately changed the maniacal systems of relationships via cellphone, myspace, match.com, etc. but I think at the very least there should have been a warning that came with all the temperamental occurrences of day-to-day love life.  I've thought of a solution...when something comes along that revolutionizes or replaces an antiquated dating technique it should be mandatory to listen to the entire No Doubt Tragic Kingdom album followed by a good cry and long walk to collect your thoughts.  I only say all of this because I was broken up with through a dropped call (maybe).  First of all AT&T is no where I want to be. Least dropped calls my ass.  Anyway, yeah I was broken up with and I couldn't believe it... well, I can believe it because it's been happening to me a lot lately but what I couldn't believe is that it wasn't done in a manner I am used to or even a way in which I've been conditioned to.  I mean c'mon, really?  Not even a text to clear things up? Really?  So you're telling me that I have to call an AT&T customer service representative to sort my life out?  I haven't called (yet) but I can imagine that conversation going something like this...

"(This call may be monitored to ensure quality customer service)"

"Hello, AT&T?"

"Hello, this is Hazmik with AT&T how are you doing today sir?"

"Well, not too good, my life is in shambles and that's why I'm calling you"

"I'm sorry to hear that sir, what can I do for you today?"

"Well, I think I was just broken up with over the phone but I'm not quite sure if I had a dropped call or it was a hang up... is there anyway you could check that for me?"

"Yes I can do that for you sir"

"Thanks Hazmik, you're amazing and what I like best about you is that you actually listen to me"

"Well sir, that's what I get paid to do... Listen to you and try to help you out to the best of my ability.  Now, what's your phone number and whose name is the account under?"

"Well Hazmik, it's a funny story... first of all my phone number is (555) 555-5555 but the account name is under my ex-girlfriends mother"

"The girl who just broke up with you?"

"Well lets not draw conclusions... we both don't know if she broke up with me... it could have been a dropped call and when I tried to call back 10 times the lines might have got crossed and then when I texted her it could have possibly been that I was over my limit or she over hers.  So take it easy on me.... I mean, it's only a maybe at this point that I was broken up with.  And to answer your question... ummmm, no.  It was a different girl who broke up with me"

"I'm sorry sir.   My mistake.  Do you have your ummmm ehhhh first definite ex-girlfriend's mother's last name?"

"Yeah I got it. But Hazmik, can we for clarity purposes call the definite ex-girlfriend 'Satan' and the maybe ex-girlfriend 'K******'?"

"I don't know if I can do that for you sir... I mean, this is a place of business and this call is being recorded.  I can't justify participating in shenanigans and melarchy if my supervisor should review the call for any reason."

"Really? You can't do that for me? Ummm, I guess I'll go with plan B... call the definite ex-girlfriend 'Scarlett' and the maybe ex-girlfriend 'K******'"

"Clever thinking sir... fake names..."

"No.  Those are their real names."

"I see sir. 'Wink Wink'"

"No.  Those are their real names.  I'm not lying to you."

"Sure thing sir. [whispers] 'My fingers are crossed sir'"

"Okay! You don't believe me and thats fine.  The last name is Kapella"

"I enjoy jimmeny cricket hocus pocus just as much as the next person sir, but Scarlett Kapella is a famous model's name and.... well.... I find it kind of funny that you would use that name"

"Okay, okay. HA fucking HA.  You think I'm lying to you and this is going nowhere trying to convince you otherwise...can you please just check if the call was a hang-up or drop?  That afterall is your job"

"Yes sir... I am pulling up the information on the account right now.  What are the last four digits of your phone number sir?"

"They are 5-5-5-5"

"Okay. Thank you. Here it is"

"Finally"

"What's the phone number you were checking to see if it was dropped or a hang up?"

"I don't know it off hand, let me check my phone... okay, here it is... it is (999) 999-9999"

"Thank you sir.  Oh yes, here it is.  That phone call was -------------"

DOOT DOOT DOOT. "CALL DROPPED"

I may never know what happened.  And by that I mean I will know later.  I am fucking cursed and haunted by these type of things.  Maybe Scarlett was right.  Maybe I should date somebody totally new that nobody knows.  Or maybe I shouldn't date anybody at all.  Or how about I'll turn homosexual in 2 years if nothing promising comes up.  Do you hear that ladies? If I don't score any trim within the next 2 years give my phone number (in the above conversation) give the number to your brothers and weird uncle Mike.